Pray for Daunte!

Get well soon Daunte--we can't set the record for most losses in the Super Bowl without you!

[Edit-the Star Tribune is reporting that Daunte is done for the season and might not even be ready for next year. This blows. I miss Daunte getting his roll on already.]

Stick a Fork in the Vikings

Well that was fun.

77 yards and a 24-0 deficit at that half. A 38-13 final score. And that score doesn't even come close to describing how badly the Panthers dominated the Vikings.

First factor in Daunte going out with a knee injury, possibly for the season And for those of you who are happy with that, well, did you see Brad Johnson throw the ball? His passes were higher than Onterrio Smith if he had Glaucoma. (With metaphors like that, the Star Tribune should give me my own column)

And don't forget about Tice and Cottrell allowing Steve Smith to embarrass Smooty Smoot Smoot all over the field. Seriously, you'd think at some point that the coaches would realize Smoot didn't have a chance of covering Smith. I mean, Smith had 153 receiving yards and a touchdown at the half--the only times he didn't catch the ball was when Delhomme wanted to involve other people or when Smoot tackled him prior to the play. I hear other head coaches make adjustments to their game plan during the game. I wonder if Zygi can get us one of those coaches for next year.

And to cap it all off, our vaunted 3-4 defense was so dominate, the Panthers didn't have to punt until the third quarter was almost over and even then, it was only because they weren't trying anymore.

If this were college football, the student section would have been chanting "Season's Over" at the Vikings as they left the field. And they'd have been right.

Let's look at the bright side for a second now--at least we aren't in last place. Thanks to Brett Favre's implosion and a wacko fan running onto the field and taking the ball away from ol' number four as he dropped back, the Packers lost in Cincinnati. And watching Favre's bizarre fake snap, QB draw and underhand pass at the first down marker to end the game was high comedy. I'm thinking it might be time for Favre to hang up his spikes, since he seems to have lost his grasp of the basic rules of football.

Another case of Serwangavitis?

Steve Smith is a really good wide receiver.

The Vikings secondary is confident in their abilities, however, as personified by Antoine Winfield "want[s] teams to challenge [him].

If you read the headline, however, you'll notice that the Pioneer Press is not as confident, however. Remember when signing Smooty Smoot Smoot was the answer to Serwangavitis? Remember when people were saying that Winfield and Smooty Smoot Smoot made up the best tandem of corners in the NFL?

Me too. *sigh*.

Keys to Beating Carolina

The keys to victory at Carolina according to the Vikings:

• "[We] can't turn the ball over on the road,"- "Coach" Mike Tice

• “[We] can’t turn the ball over, and when [we] have a chance to make plays, [we’ve] got to make plays”- Jermaine Wiggens

• "Defensively, I think we've got to get off to a better start than what we have, I think we've got to go out there and set the tone early in the game."- Keith Newman

To sum it up, the Vikings think that in order to win at Carolina, they can’t turn the ball over, they have to set the tone defensively and make plays offensively. That sounds doable, right?

In three road games this year, the Vikings have 12 turnovers, allowed 95 points and only scored 21 points. Also, the Panthers are ridiculously good at creating turnovers, especially fumbles, which Mike Rucker, one of the Panthers’ TWO ridiculously good defensive ends, has said “comes naturally” to them. Which, is, you know, great, because even when Daunte isn’t playing like Bizarro Daunte from the world where Black Quarterbacks are always bad because, they’re, you know, black and blacks can’t play quarterback, and instead, he’s playing like MVP Daunte, the real Daunte, he STILL fumbles like it’s his job. Oh, and the Vikings have lost 31 of their last 40 road games.

We are so f***** on Sunday.

Greatest Season EVAR!!!

Honestly, is there anything not to like about this season? I mean aside from the 2-5 record and the thrashings that the Vikings have taken from the Bengals, Bucs and well, every other team they've lost to? Ok, fine, that part sucks a lot.

Once you get past that though, the Vikes have given us a lot so far. There's "the whole sex on a boat in Lake Minnetonka" thing. That was a lot of fun. Especially once my friends connected it with the time I was plastered and told a girl from Panama that I would sail her canal (I can't actually verify that, because I wasn't there, but I'm told her reaction was priceless. Mainly because she didn't get it). That was good times.

There's also Mike Tice. Not Mike Tice the coach [he's not so much a positive as a negative], but Mike Tice the speaker. Would you rather have to listen to bland, boring quotes or beauties like this one: "vice presidents should vice president their departments and let us do our jobs on the field". First off, I'm not sure how you can "vice president" something. Secondly, well, I was going to make a comment about him being insecure about his job, but well, if I were Mike Tice, I'd be insecure about my job too. Also, if I were Mike Tice, I'd have no hair. I would also be a kiss ass who is unable to control a football team. I would also be unable to form coherent sentences. Hmmmm....I seem to have found myself on a tangent, but, well, I think we can all agree that Mike Tice's life sucks. Unless his wife is hot. That would probably make it better. [Also, I found this while looking for a picture of Tice's wife. I must have missed the memo where Tice brought discipline to the Vikings.]

The Vikings also gave us hope this year. Though that didn't last long. But we had it for awhile, right? And after thinking about it, I realized that you can't count this against them. If you got suckered in by the Vikings, it's your own fault, so quit complaining. It's not like they've never broken our hearts before. [And....bitterness off.]

Finally, the Vikings have given us a victory over the Packers. And really, isn't that enough? No? You think the Vikings should be a Super Bowl Contender? Or at least .500? Or at least be able to avoid embarrassing scandals? Well, that's just crazy talk.