A Look Around the Tubes

What to write about… What to write about. Hmmmm…I already previewed the game, and I have to wait until tomorrow to make my prediction. And sadly, no one on the web is making outlandish claims about awful losses. But, this being the internet and all, the tubes are full of lots of stuff worth checking out. And there are outlandish claims, but they’re about people setting off dirty bombs at NFL stadiums. I really only have two things to say about that: First, I’m glad the Vikings are away, so we Minnesotans don’t have to worry about getting hit and secondly, I’d bet this isn’t the first time a Viking and the phrase “dirty bomb” were used in the same sentence.

Moving away from bad sex boat jokes, but staying on the topic of sex, Josh Brown is apparently nowhere near as clutch when it comes to the ladies as he is kicking field goals. He, in fact, has all the closing skills of 15 year old kid—he managed to get Carrie Underwood’s number, which is pretty impressive when you consider kickers don't have the same skills with the ladies that punters do. But then he didn’t call her! If I found out that Ryan Longwell had pulled a similar stunt, well, I wouldn’t be anywhere near as confident in him nailing a 45 yarder as time expired, I can tell you that.

It wouldn’t affect how I thought of him kicking off, however. It doesn’t matter who tees up the ball—once “Welcome to the Jungle” starts blaring, I’m going nuts. Not everyone feels the same way. Someone who’s heard the “Immigrant Song” will have to tell me if it would fit, but I’m against using it on kickoffs, if only because I’d hate to give in to those pencil necked geeks living in their parents’ basement, playing with numbers and surfing the internet. They don't understand what it takes to win games. Man do I hate those people.

Finally, it seems that those internet nerds aren’t as smart as they think they are. I can’t name names, but I can prove that at least 94 people have all the brain power of, well, Mike Tice. That or Tice is doing a piss poor job of trying to rig this poll.